Monday, June 18, 2007

New Directions

Something has shifted. I can feel it. I received my Intuitive Eating books. Am in the midst of the first one. "First one" being arbitrary as it was on top of the pile. My stars! ( I am trying to find a replacement for foul mouthed expletives.) This is another answer. I am having the same reaction as I did to Kay Shepperd's food plan..."I can do this." I reject the whole stringent addiction model of eating. One slice of cheesecake does not a craving lunatic make.

Thus far the my major learning has been about "treats." If I want the taste of a Snickers almond bar, I can purchase said bar, take a huge bite of it, and throw the rest out. I in fact did this. Okay, I didn't throw it out, Mark ate it. But I was ready to throw it out. I can also eat half a bowl of popcorn with real butter and sea salt. Why was I eating air popped corn covered in yeast flakes? I can eat three fourths of a chicken fajita, two onion rings and half a peanut butter shake. I eat and check to see when I am full. I hope to eventually recognize satisfaction before I get to full. When I am full/satisfied, I stop. I can have treats!!!!! Light bulb moment, when I "treat" myself, I am easily satisfied.

I have been living in a world of want for twenty five years. Wonderful tasty food has been off limit. If it tasted good I spit it out. But what if I could have calorie laden goodies as, goodies? Not daily. I want to be healthy and grow older. Hazelnut mocha ice cream daily will not allow me to reach eighty. And I want to be eighty. Like Mary. But I can have it as a treat. Mary permits herself food "treats" from time to time. Real cream in her daily cup of coffee is a treat. Ice cream on Sunday afternoons is a weekly treat. BLT's she has once a month. A gracious way of living.

But what about, "If I have one bite I have to eat the box too?" Intuitive eating is about satisfaction. My appetite for food can be satisfied. I believe this. I am not possessed by the black hole. If I am feeding my body and not my emotions or my lust for food, I can be satisfied. I have a life long habit of feeding both emotions and gluttony. Will take a while to form new habits. I am motivated to persevere because I can be satisfied! A gift from God.

Cravings are normal. Normal eaters get them. Pickles and ice cream did not get to be a stereotype for nothing. If I am not hungry and I want to eat, I am most likely having a craving. Cravings can be caused by anything. I have started giving in to them. I had a small chunk of smoked Gorgonzola cheese on a crunchy cracker at 9:30 this morning. One small chunk on one cracker. I knew I wasn't hungry so did not need a big amount of food. But I wanted cheese and a cracker, so I ate one. Treat city. I may become a one bite sybarite.

If I am feeding my emotions or my gluttony there is no end to my hunger. Psychological problems CANNOT be relieved by physical means, i.e. food. Gluttony is a sin, and God not food, is the only answer. The hard part: feeling my emotions, and stopping at satisfaction not sated.

So far, so good. Takes a bunch of time. I imagine it will get quicker as I figure out what exactly I am emoting about and kick the habit of huge portions. I am using Kay's food plan as my base. This will be my lifelong default eating pattern. It is healthy, howbeit, a bit boring. I want to be healthy. Blueberries and oatmeal are better for my body than cheese enchiladas. But a couple of enchiladas a month are a treat and non-life threatening. I can finally stop living like a food nun. Whoopee.

Treat yourselves. Love Bea

4 comments:

Cindy174 said...

This is wonderful. I agree. Also, it was nice hearing I am not the only one who enjoys ice cream in her coffee as a treat. I like it after dinner as a dessert when eating out. Glad to hear what you are doing, I was missing your posts. I am doing a Kay-ish base and then allowing for diversion. Small doses of sugar, chocolate, etc. have not been leading to binges for me. If I know I am going to have something higher in calorie, I adjust the other meals sometimes and balance things out. Thanks for writing about this! PS I weigh a little less than the Panda now. I may have to find another animal soon.

Tee said...

I have GOT to find out what you are reading.

This post, well it screamed at me. It totally makes sense. Instead of eating an entire cake because the one bite was deemed a failure, the one bite IS enough.

Wow.

Helen said...

I love this post, thank you. You are SO right. But this seemingly simple thing is a learned behavior for lots of us...for me, it's a slow learning process, but I know I'm better at it than I was 13 years ago when I first paid any real attention to what and how I ate.

Andrea K said...

It sounds like you're definitely having "Aha" moments, and it's wonderful to read.

I'm still coming down from my vacation and my eating misadventures, and I'm trying to get back into the IE mind set. Your post definitely helped remind me what's so great about this. Thanks!