"I will never starve. Never." "There is more where that came from." "Good food is good to eat." "One dessert is not going to send you over the edge."
I repeated these statements to my self all weekend. Sort of worked. But the addiction mentality is grooved deep in my brain. If I eat one of anything sugary/fatty it will set up a chain reaction and I will be face down in a tub of peanut M&M's in a second. And I will not be able to stop as I can never be satisfied. That is BULLSHIT. (I know, I was going to stop swearing.) I can be satisfied. Unless I am hungry, if I have a craving, one bite is enough. If I am not hungry and a moderate amount does not satisfy the craving, then I am feeding my emotions not my body. I CAN get enough and be satisfied.
So why doesn't it feel like it? We went to a barbecue. I made a good gooey chocolate dessert. I did okay at the BBQ but then I had to bring the rest of the dessert home. Red flag time. It hollered, shouted, begged, cajoled, reminded and finally enticed me to eat it. Not all of it, but a big piece of it. I was not hungry and was relaxed. I just wanted to eat it. It was like it was my duty to eat it. I am a fat person and fat people eat left over gooey chocolate desserts. How lame is that? My thinking is as habitual as my actions. If this IE is going to work I have to change my thinking. For starters I need to undefine my self as a fat person. I am a person. I no longer have to act out my conception's of "fat person." I can choose to think and act like a normal eater. I can act like Mark. He does not hear the siren song of sugar/fat. He can let a bowl of ice cream melt at his elbow and then throw it away. Said he forgot it! I too can learn to forget. Maybe.... Eventually.... Until then I can have a small piece of gooey dessert to shut the voices up, and then get on with something else.
I learned much this weekend. Trouble is I don't just want to learn, I want to lose weight. Gad do I have a long way to go before I even totally understand the concept of IE. Let alone practise it. Oh well, the only way forward, is forward.
Take care of yourselves. Love Bea