Tuesday, July 17, 2007

Not An Official Post

Do you ever wonder if you dropped dead if anyone would notice? I do. Over the years my life has bumped up against some few others. But if I was dead would they care? Has my life counted enough to generate even moderate mourning? I don't know. I think I am in the midst of this blue funk because I don't want to vacuum the living room. Mark's sister is not coming. She will wait for water. Can't blame her. New plans. We are now going "home" for the weekend. I am not ready. I don't want to go back. Going back was what derailed my weight loss months ago. I do not want to see the dead lawn (reported by a friend) around my beloved house. I do not want to see all the people at church who will tell me they miss me. I don't want to see my thinner weight loss buddy. I don't want to see the person who got Mark's old job and makes $30,000 more year than he did. I do not want to try to fit in to my old life. I do not want to drive 500 miles in day. So I am thinking about death...and not vacuuming.

Sometimes I make myself laugh. Guess I'll vacuum.

Bye Bea


Andrea K said...

Sorry to hear you're dreading your trip "home."

I go through the same thing with vacuuming. I dread doing it and procrastinate for days. Then I finally force myself, and it isn't so bad.

I hope things get better.

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